Current Advice Topics

Dear Nanice,

I have recently left my common law husband of 4 years. 2 weeks ago to be exact! About 2 years ago I found out that his son (age 8 @ the time) had molested my son (age 4 @ the time). Before finding this out his son had already caused a lot of problems in our home and outside of the home, i.e.stealing mail on the way to school, running away, bouts of anger. I had tried to get help for this little boy for over 1 year but dad didn't see his problems as severe. Once I found out about the molestatiuon, I made his son leave the house. It was ever since then I watched our relationship slowly crumble. We had couples counseling and individual counseling, unfortunatley, neither one of us applied what we learned once we got home. He started hanging out all night AGAIN with friends. When he was home,(which was rare) he and his friends would be hanging out in the basement. 2 months ago, he began sleeping in the basement with the door shut. He said the reason was because he was tired of our youngest child sleeping with us. Meanwhile, I am working 7 days a week and taking care of 3 kids alone. The few times in this 2 month period that I did speak tp him, he was rude and abrupt with me. I got sick of this, so I packed up the kids and left! Since leaving, My 7 year old has broken out in a head-to-toe rash and experianced stomach problems, our 3 year okld is wetting the bed, and our 21 month old cries a lot and is clingy. He is aware of this. He states that he wants to work things out but the ONLY way he is willing to is if I pack up and move down south with him by the end of the summer. His family lives there. My family lives were I am. He claims WE just can't make it here. His parents own a few houses and we would have little to no rent to pay. He states that He's tried it my way here for 4 years and my way hasn't worked so it's got to be HIS WAy or no way. I grew up with out a father and know it's devastating effects and don't want that for my kids. I also don't want to leave my family. I just don't. We've known each other since high school! I must also mention that he chain smokes reefer which I believe seriously clouds his judgement! What in the world should I do?

S 

 Dear Nanice,
My stepmother offered to throw me a baby shower.  My mother will be hurt & angry. I don't want to have two showers.  My mom gets very anxious in social situations so she would throw one only because she doesn't want my stepmother to be the one. If I ask a neutral party to throw it  my stepmother will be upset.   Maybe I should just say I don't want one at all?  Thanks so much!

Lucille 

Not my type of guy 

Dear Nanice 

I always thought of myself with a "rugged, adventurous, alpha male" type of guy.  I am driven, successful, and want to live life to the max.  I'm currently in a relationship with someone I find "boring".  But every other quality about him is exactly the type of man that I want.  He's caring, honest, loyal, sincere, successful, great to me, great to my family, has ambition, hard worker, I can imagine he would make a wonderful husband and father.  We have the same ideas about raising children, spending money, living life. Yet I cannot let go that he doesn't seem to be my "type".  Why can't I let this go?  Is this a warning that I'm not with the right man?  I'm 30, he's 34, we are both looking forward to starting a family someday. I tend to be outgoing, social, energetic.  He's much more quite, laid back, slow moving.  Do we compliment each other or should I move on and find a better match? 

Betty 

Should I wait for the girl I love?

Dear Nanice,
About a month a and a half ago I met this girl. We got along great went on couple of dates and things were progressing quite well. When we first started seeing each other, she said that she had just broke up with someone(it was a 1 1/2 yr long  relationship.) and that we needed to take it slow..if i wanted to date her - I said no problem, I'm not looking to put a ring on her finger right away...so the relationship progressed (I never pressured her and always followed her lead). We were getting along great...and she even said that she was crazy about me and that I was marraige material....she even wrote me an email and said that we were "officiallly dating"....about three weeks into it I get an email from her saying that she could not give what I wanted and that us dating had to stop temporarily...because she needed to be by herself, not touch anyone, think of anyone, not date anyone...as she put it she needed her own time...we then spoke and she said that she was crazy about me, she thought we had great chemistry, and that she saw a future with me, and that this would actually be good for us, because she did not want me to be the rebound guy, and when she is ready she can give me her all....she said she still wanted to hang out, call, email, text..etc..she basically said that in terms of readiness she was at a 6 and I was at an 8 or 9. I told her that I was not 20 yrs old any more and I wasnt going to say "see ya later". I said you take your time and do what you need to do and we will take it one day at a time.  Do I believe/trust  her? Do I still hang out with her? What to do? I am at a loss. She does give positive hints about the future..but at the same time i have this fear that I'm going to get the dear john email any second.  Please help.

Tuesday 

Drunken Fights 

Dear Nanice,
My boyfriend and I go out a lot on weekends.  We've been together for a year now.  We recently have been having fights only when intoxicated.  They have been getting ugly.  We think it's only because we are drunk and get over it fairly quickly the next day.  Do you think it means more than just a drunken fight?  Are these issues that are really bugging us and maybe we only feel like we can bring them up when intoxicated?  I don't want to fight anymore.  My first step is to back down on the alcohol consumption during the weekend.  Any advice?

Suzyice